Sri Lanka. Sri Lanka. Holy Mother of God. Sri Lanka.

So people are always saying to me, "Aram, Have you heard of so and so restaurant??!??! It's great!!!!"
They're so excited and cute about their discovery. It gives me a special pleasure to tell them, "Yes, and it sucks."

The other day, my friend Lindsay told me that she and her husband Lev wanted to take me out to dinner at this new place they found. They said there's no way I would of heard of it. I begged. I cried. There's nothing worse than being taken to a place that you've already been to, especially if it sucks rabbit balls.

But to no avail.

Jules and I met Lindsay and Lev at their place in Williamsburg and went straight to Lev's car. I'm thinking, "Chinese in Flushing? East Indian in Crown Heights?"

Then Lev pulls out the EZ Pass and heads for the BQE.

Fuck. There's only ONE thing that that can mean. Staten Island.

For all of you non New Yorkers, Staten Island sucks. It's where you go after you die and you don't declare Jesus as your one and only saviour. And people in Staten Island are really stupid and inbred. Sometimes they think it's part of New York City even!

Silly Staten Islanders.

One thing that sucks hare balls (get it? Rabbit balls? LOL) about Staten Island is that to drive there you have to go over a big bridge. Admittedly, the bridge is beautiful, but it costs $12!!!!

Jesus.

Anyway, we get over the bridge, and I'm so nervous I'm almost ready to vomit.

But LO!!!! A light shined!!!! And ahead I saw that Lindsay and Lev were taking me for....Lo!!!!! Sri Lankan Food!

Readers, this place is fucking amazing.

Seriously.

http://www.newasharestaurant.com/

Everything was sooooooo delicious. Everything was homemade. I've been to India twice so I know what homemade Indian food tastes like. And my mom makes it. As do I. And when I go to a friends house for dinner.

Normally, restaurant food tastes like restaurant food. But for Sri Lankan, I only do homemade.
Seriously.

Here's us before the meal. Four beautiful people, getting ready to chow.

From left to right, Jules, Beautiful, Lev and Lindsay.

For an appetizer, we had a fried lentil thing. It was similar to South Indian Vadas. Really yummy.

For me the highlight of the meal was the eggplant.

Let me tell you something readers. I HATE EGGPLANT.

Eggplant crap-armesan. Eggplant crap-a-ganoush. Eggplant bhaigan-crapper. Fried eggplant crap.

It all tastes like.....crap.

So when I ate this eggplant, I literally jizzed in my pants. Never before has food aroused me so.

Check it out:

It was caramelized and was very sweet, with a slight spicy warmth to it.

Did I mention that it made me jizz? It was a little awkward actually.

The dal was delicious too. It had coconut, very different from Indian dal.

Here's a mixture of rice and eggs and things. Yum!

Okra, not slimy!

And for all you chicken eaters....chicken! Not slimy!

Here's a picture of the chef and me and Lindsay and Lev.

Sorry! I forgot to turn on the "red eye" switch on my camera! Lol!!!

So anyhow.

Get yee to Staten Island.

I think the fact that it has a Sri Lankan restaurant makes it a little less sucky....

Nah, actually, it still sucks, but not as much as THE UPPER WEST SIDE!!!!

BOO YAH!!!!!!