I've finally found "The One!"

Today, my prayer was answered.

When I woke I realized that I hadn't written for you, my loyal fans, in some time. Earnestly, I prayed, "Lord, please show me guidance. Please help me to find a new kick ass food adventure."

As I was walking home, past the Apna Bazaar on 37th Ave in Jackson Heights, Queens, I looked up and saw a peculiar ad in the window.

It was for something called "Masala Pizza."

Could it really be true that my two favorite things in the world, Pizza and Indian food could be found in a delicate marriage of carnal delights?

I walked into the Bazaar and went straight to the frozen food section, and sure enough, it was true.

This is what I saw before me.

I started weeping. But as perfect as this story is, it actually gets better.

When I brought the pizzas up to the cash register, I asked the young Indian woman who rings me up whenever I buy something there, "Yo, Are these things good, or do they taste like shit?"

Her response forever changed my life.

"Indian people don't like frozen foods. We like fresh food. Every night my mother makes me fresh chapatis and curries. It is so tasty."

In less time than it take you, the reader, to navigate away from this blog, I was down on one knee, asking for her hand in marriage. I still didn't even know her name, but at that moment, I felt such a connection. A connection to the culture, the family, the joyous celebrations of food, music and dance. And most importantly, to the boobies.

"God, not only did you help me find the best food product in the world. You also helped me to find 'The One.'"

After she smacked me and the Sikh security guards forcibly removed me from the place, I went to my apartment and to heat them up.

Delicious and Convenience. Those are two words you don't often see outside of a Bangkok whorehouse.

But they accurately described Masala Pizza. Don't believe me. Check it out:

And this is how convenient it is.

First you microwave the pizza. This helps to lock in the flavor.

Then you take out your tawa and brown it on both sides. THANK GOD I HAVE A COUPLE OF TAWAS LYING AROUND!

Freakin Tawas.

Needless to say, I have neither a Tawa nor a microwave.

So I just heated it up for 15 minutes in the oven at 450 degrees.

I have to say, the masala pizza was actually pretty good in a "just got home from a long day in high school, need to snack and take a 3 hour nap before starting on my homework" kind of way.

Here's a pic.

And a close up.

Alrighty.

It's been a long time, but I'm finally going to divulge where I think the best slice of pizza in Manhattan is.

That's right. Sal and Carmines.

Here's a pic.

I went there yesterday with my buddy Brian.

Sal and Carmines is run by two old curmudgeony guys from Naples, Sal and Carmine. Hence the name.

We were eating and one of them came out from the back.

Here's our conversation:

Me: "Sal!" I exclaimed, as if we had known each other for decades.

Carmine: "I'm actually Carmine, " he croaked.

Me :"Oh."

Me again:

"Well, I think you have the best pizza in the world! I'm going to put it on the internet tonight."

Carmine: "So?"

Me: "Fuck you, Sal. Fuck you."

Carmine: "I'm Carmine."